The Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything
by Kelly376
Summary: Ever wonder why FFN and Twitter are always down?  It's not their fault.  Well, not really.  Rated M for HTML lemon.


The Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything...

(Or at least an explanation as to why there's always so much FFN and Twitter fuckery.)

**I wrote this last night in about an hour, after multiple people were complaining about the fact that FFN is total fail right now. (Trufax, FFN Workers. Don't get mad.)**

**My Twitter conversation with myself:**

_You know what FFN is doing? I think they're systematically scanning each fic, for whatever reason. One chapter won't be available, but the next one will, and then that one goes down. *cue eerie Twilight Zone music*_

_Twatter, I completely miss out on (a)'s in my feed, and then I look back and see that someone actually replied to something. GRAR!_

_I think Twitter and FFN need to get sterilized, then they can have epic electronic fail whale sex._

_I'm totally going to make a mini-fic about that. brb._

_omg. this is going to be awesome. i am having a blast._

_*snort* i seriously can't wait to show you guys what i'm doing._

**And then out came the first publication of what you see before you on TwitLonger at** http[:/][/]66nmbu.

**So this story is a first-draft, unedited, unbeta'd, and unsexy. All HTTP terms are CAPITALIZED. Only for the geeky, not the faint of heart. **

** ENJOY!**

* * *

Twitter: So do you come here often?

FFN: To the 7th circle of Internet Hell? No, I try to avoid it.

Twitter: It's not so bad. You get used to it.

FFN: Unfortunately, it's becoming more and more frequent, due to the explosion of CLIENTS on my SERVERS.

Twitter: Although my INTERFACE is a little more user-friendly, so I'm able to entertain my users while I'm stuck here, waiting for everyone to chill the hell out. He's a whale.

FFN: My INTERFACE is just fine, thanks.

Twitter: I beg to differ, my dear. You don't even have FRAMES.

FFN: Neither do you, you GIF.

Twitter: It's something I'm working on. My newest version will be out soon.

FFN: Well, congratulations to you. *rolls HYPERTEXT*

Twitter: You do have a very nice BODY, though.

FFN: Um…

Twitter: One thing I must mention, though, is that a lot of your TwilightFF authors/readers are responsible for the complete shut down of my BANDWIDTH on days like those damned movie premieres.

FFN: You know, I find that a lot of the reason I have such troubles of my own is because my CLIENTS go to you to bitch about me.

Twitter: That's not my fault. I'm a free enterprise, Baby.

FFN: Well, it's not my fault that your BANDWIDTH isn't capable of keeping it up under the tiniest bit of pressure. *cocks HEADER and looks down at BANDWIDTH*

Twitter: Oh, it's got nothing to do with being /able/ to keep it up. More like it wants to run and hide when all your authors talk about is how big Robert Pattinson's BANDWIDTH is.

FFN: I know about that boy's BANDWIDTH all too well. Although I do try to keep the most detailed descriptions off of my PAGES, I make sure to save them to my BACKUP DRIVES first.

Twitter: So like I was saying earlier… Your INTERFACE isn't the greatest, but I do like a lot of your ATTRIBUTES. *looks from HEADER to FOOTER*

FFN: You think that your HTML is going to get my SEARCH ENGING going? You still haven't convinced me that your BANDWIDTH isn't a DEPRECIATED ELEMENT.

Twitter: If you took your "fuck off" BANNER down you might notice that there's nothing depreciated about my element, thank you very much.

FFN: My PIXELS are pretty clear, and I'd have to agree with you on that.

Twitter: So…

FFN: So…

Twitter: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

FFN: I sure hope so.

As Twitter used his NAVIGATION BAR to ALIGN FFN's HEADER with his FOOTER and vis-versa, Twitter noticed that if they were going to UPLOAD anything, he'd have to find her HOTSPOT.

FFN: I'm going to DOWNLOAD you now. Hang on to your ENTITIES.

FFN took Twitter's entire BANDWIDTH into her HEADING. Being that she was a fairly experienced website, she already had some SYNTAX that would help her out.

Completely overwhelmed by FFN's OPENING TAG, he almost forgot his DOMAIN NAME, as well as the fact that he had a part to play in this FTP.

Regaining his CGI, Twitter quickly began to give HEADER to FFN's BUTTON.

But he was still going to UPLOAD too quickly. He wished he had a CLICKABLE MAP so that he didn't have to worry so much about a SYNTAX ERROR.

Twitter: FFN, I'm gonna UPLOAD. Slow down!

FFN just grinned. "Slowing down" wasn't on her STYLE SHEET. Well, not this version anyway.

FFN: You're gonna have to work harder than that… Your FORM could definitely improve.

That just pissed Twitter right off. First she calls his BANDWIDTH small and a DEPRECIATING ENTITY, and now she was teasing the fact that he couldn't make her UPLOAD fast enough. It definitely gave him more control of his FRAMES PER SECOND.

In a stroke of genius—or possibly just dumb luck—he found her HOTSPOT, and she began her UPLOAD process. It was more erratic, but she continued to NAVIGATE his BANDWIDTH harder, and soon Twitter began his own UPLOAD process.

Lucky for them, they are still uploading to this day.

Which is why you can't do shit on either website.

* * *

**Comment. And if you liked this one, then go read my other fic. It's pretty short. And yes, I'm still working on the BPOV. No worries. :)**


End file.
